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Ebbing Tide

Well, here we are on the eve of a decision being made about three little kiddos that we want pretty badly. ¬†On one hand it is peaceful to know that SOMEONE will be taking care of these kids, but on the other I know that Casey and I will love them the best ūüôā ¬†Among many questions in my head, I keep saying a verse in my head over and over, and that is Romans 11….

33 Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!

34 “For who has known the mind of the Lord,
¬†¬†¬†¬†or¬†who has been his counselor?‚ÄĚ
35 “Or who has given a gift to him
¬†¬†¬†¬†that he might be repaid?‚ÄĚ

36¬†For¬†from him and through him and to him are all things.¬†To him be glory forever. Amen.”

It is easy to say this and my heart believes it, but my head is really worried and anxious about the word that will come around 4:00 tomorrow afternoon. ¬†I trust God knows what He is doing, but it sure is a lot easier when He clues me in on things ūüôā ¬†

I know this. ¬†Regardless of the answer tomorrow, we will rejoice in the Lord, for He is good. ¬†He has a great plan to bring His name glory and we are part of that plan! ¬†My measley concerns and worries are NOTHING compared to His greatness and His purpose in bringing glory to Himself. ¬†This has been on my mind quite a bit lately, things to pray for…I mean, I have always been kinda squeemish when asked to pray for people’s ailments or 90 year old grandmothers. ¬†In one sense, sure God hears and answers our prayers, but at the same time, I am hesitant to ask God to heal your granny, I am more likely to ask the He make our hearts ready to accept His will. ¬†I have a hard time believing that we can change God’s mind with our prayers. ¬†To me this elevates the position of man to an unbiblical level and presumes that God has something different than the progression of His will in mind. ¬†Not to say that He doesn’t care about our ailments or our 90 year old grandmothers, but care does not always mean cure. ¬†you can visit any children’s hospital and see that. ¬†People don’t always get better. ¬†Does this make God less good? ¬†I don’t think so. ¬†If you had prayed harder would it have made a difference? ¬†You would have to convince me. ¬†There are surely times in the Bible that come to mind when the people petitioned God for something (e.g. rain, victory in battle, etc) and He answered in the affirmative, but I think the argument could be made that His mind was not changed but that people’s heart were fashioned to take comfort in His steadfast will. ¬†Let me bring it to you another way…when my father found himself in a deep depression I prayed each night for God to deliver him from his depression and make him better. ¬†This was not in God’s plan. ¬†I truly believe God knew every day of my dad and knew of his end and how it would come. ¬†It broke a lot fo folks hearts when he took his life. ¬†Folks that had prayed for him, loved him, and deeply wished him well. ¬†Did God ignore us? ¬†I sure don’t think so. ¬†Looking back I see His hand in that dark day. ¬†Today I see that had he not died I would not have my wonderful wife Casey, my mom would not have met her love, Bob and the entire world would be different. ¬†Not to say I don’t miss my dad, but sometimes you have to go through the dark days to see how bright the world can be. ¬†Bad things happen, but that all depends on your definition of “bad”. ¬†Most people start screaming at me at this point about “free will” and “choice” and all that jazz, but I am still not convinced. ¬†I do not believe that “free will” the way that most people use it is biblically accurate. ¬†I mean we have a degree of freedom. ¬†I like the analogy of a fenced yard. ¬†The dog can go anywhere it pleases inside that fence, but it can not leave. ¬†Outside of the fence is God’s freedom which is endless, there is no fence for God. ¬†Anyway, I did not mean to turn this in to a theological discussion (or maybe I did).

All of that to say, I have made my cares known to God and am resting in His infinite wisdom.  I told Him we want these kiddos and He knows our heart better than we do.  I trust Him and that is enough.  



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